What is Postpartum Resentment?

Becoming a parent is often described as one of life’s most beautiful and transformative experiences—and in many ways, it is. But what often goes unspoken is how that same transformation can bring with it overwhelming emotions, including anger, frustration, and resentment. For many new moms, the postpartum period can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, where joy is accompanied by exhaustion, and love for your baby exists alongside feelings of depletion and quiet bitterness.

If you've ever found yourself snapping at your partner, resenting their sleep or freedom, or mourning the version of yourself you used to know—you’re not alone. These emotions don’t make you a bad mother. They make you human.

What Is Postpartum Resentment?

Postpartum resentment is a common experience for many new mothers, though it's rarely talked about openly. It often shows up as frustration, irritability, or simmering anger—usually directed toward partners, family members, or even oneself. These feelings might be rooted in the physical exhaustion of new parenthood, the invisible weight of mental load, a lack of support, or the jarring gap between expectations and reality.

It’s important to understand that postpartum resentment doesn’t come out of nowhere. It builds—slowly and silently—through skipped meals, sleepless nights, unshared responsibilities, and moments when your needs are invisible to everyone else, including yourself.

Here are a few common sources of postpartum resentment:

1. Exhaustion That Goes Beyond Sleep

New motherhood is relentless. Feeding, rocking, soothing, pumping, healing—it's all-consuming. This level of physical and emotional depletion can lead to deep resentment, especially when rest feels out of reach and the world keeps spinning like nothing has changed.

2. Feeling Alone in It All

Many new moms quietly carry the bulk of childcare, household tasks, and emotional labour. When support is inconsistent—or absent altogether—it’s easy to feel unseen, underappreciated, and deeply alone. Resentment can take root in the spaces where connection and shared responsibility should live.

3. Losing Yourself in the Role of “Mom”

Motherhood changes everything. Your routines, your relationships, your body, and often, your sense of identity. It’s common to feel like you’ve disappeared inside this new role, and that grief—yes, grief—can morph into anger and resentment if unacknowledged.

4. Financial Pressure

The financial strain of maternity leave, childcare costs, or shifting household dynamics can create serious stress. Money worries combined with emotional load can lead to heightened tension and resentment, especially if it feels like the burden is falling unevenly.

5. When Reality Doesn’t Match the Dream

Many moms step into parenthood with ideas about how things “should” be. When the reality is far more chaotic, isolating, or difficult than expected, it’s natural to feel disappointed—and even resentful of those whose experiences seem easier or more joyful.

So What Can You Do About It?

Resentment isn’t a flaw in your character—it’s a signal. It’s your mind and body saying, Something isn’t working. The good news? There are ways to begin shifting the load and lightening the emotional weight.

1. Name It Without Shame

The first and most powerful step is simply acknowledging what you feel. Postpartum resentment is valid. You are allowed to be grateful and angry. Loving your baby doesn’t cancel out the need to process your own emotions.

2. Ask for Support—Then Let People In

You were never meant to do this alone. Reach out to friends, family, other moms, or a support group. Accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you’re honoring your own needs, which is one of the most resilient things a mother can do.

3. Make Room for Yourself Again

Self-care doesn’t have to mean spa days or bubble baths. It can be 10 minutes alone with a coffee. A walk around the block. Saying “no” to something that drains you. Prioritizing even the smallest moment for yourself can help chip away at resentment’s grip.

4. Talk Honestly with Your Partner

If resentment is building between you and your partner, talk about it. Not with blame—but with honesty. Share what you need. Ask them what they need. Resentment thrives in silence. Connection and collaboration can starve it.

5. Reach Out for Professional Support

Sometimes resentment becomes so heavy that it’s hard to untangle alone. A perinatal coach can offer a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore what you’re feeling and guide you toward strategies for coping and healing. Connect today

You Are Not a “Bad Mom”

Postpartum resentment does not mean you don’t love your baby. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re carrying too much—and likely have been for a while. The good news? You don’t have to carry it forever, and you don’t have to carry it alone.

If this post resonated with you, know that there are practical ways to move from resentment to relief, from burnout to balance. It starts with acknowledging your truth—and giving yourself the same compassion you offer everyone else.