“I Want Mommy!”: What Parental Preference Really Means (And How to Handle It With Heart)

If you’ve ever heard your child cry out for the other parent just as you stepped in to help, you’re not alone. That little dagger to the heart—“I want Mommy!” or “I want Daddy!”—can sting. And if it keeps happening, it can leave you feeling rejected, confused, or unsure of what to do next.

As a perinatal therapist, I’ve seen countless families navigate this tricky phase. It’s called parental preference, and it’s incredibly common—especially during the toddler and preschool years. But just because it’s normal doesn’t make it easy.

Let’s unpack why this happens, how to handle it without guilt or resentment, and what you can do to strengthen your bond with your little one—no matter who they’re currently clinging to.

Why Parental Preference Happens

Parental preference often shows up between 18 months and 3 years of age—right as toddlers are discovering their independence but still deeply reliant on their caregivers. It's usually not about favoritism or doing something "better." It's about emotional safety, routine, and developmental needs.

Here are a few common reasons children show a strong preference for one parent:

Attachment: Children tend to seek out the parent who they spend more time with or who they associate with comfort and care. That’s often the primary caregiver, but not always.

Temperament: Some kids naturally feel more at ease with one parent’s energy. A shy toddler might gravitate toward the gentler parent, while an adventurous child might crave the one who brings more excitement.

Developmental Milestones: Big feelings like separation anxiety or a desire to assert independence can make kids cling tighter to one parent as a way of regulating those emotions.

What To Do If You're Not the “Chosen” Parent

Being the less-preferred parent can stir up a mix of emotions: rejection, resentment, guilt, or even jealousy. You might start wondering if you’re doing something wrong or if your child loves you less. Here’s what to keep in mind:

It’s not personal. This is a normal developmental phase. Your child’s preference isn’t a reflection of your parenting skills, your bond, or their love for you.

Avoid competition. Don’t try to “win them over” or criticize the preferred parent. Instead, focus on connection—not comparison.

Lean into quality time. Create moments of joy and closeness with your child that are just about the two of you. Whether it’s reading a book, building blocks, or going for a walk—presence matters more than perfection.

Keep showing up. Even if your child resists you sometimes, your steady and loving presence builds trust over time. That security is what truly matters in the long run.

Supporting Your Child Through This Phase

While you’re navigating your own feelings, your child is also learning how to feel safe, express needs, and build relationships. Here’s how you can support them:

Validate their feelings. It’s okay for your child to express a preference—it’s part of learning about relationships. You might say, “I know you really want Mommy right now. Daddy’s here and loves you, and we’re going to have a great time together.”

Keep routines consistent. Predictable routines and clear boundaries give kids a sense of security, which can help reduce clinginess and preference-driven meltdowns.

Encourage family connection. Plan low-pressure moments for all family members to engage together. A weekend breakfast ritual or a daily walk after dinner can go a long way.

Foster independence. Support your child in making small decisions—what to wear, what book to read, or which snack to choose. Empowering their autonomy helps reduce anxiety and builds confidence.

The Bottom Line

Parental preference can feel hard in the moment, but it’s a completely normal part of your child’s emotional development. With time, consistency, and a focus on connection, this phase usually passes. And remember—just because your child is clinging to one parent today doesn’t mean they won’t be asking for you tomorrow.

If you’re finding this phase especially triggering or emotional, that’s okay too. Sometimes our own history, fears, or stressors show up in parenting. Therapy can be a helpful space to explore those feelings and find strategies that feel aligned and supportive. Reach out today here